Thursday, November 01, 2007

"unholy and merciless good times"

In this post is my race report from the four horsemen's All Hallows Eve Race, with a few anecdotes along the way. You know it's on when your keys are confiscated at the beginning of a race and you're essentially not allowed to look at anything but the ground for the 5 minutes prior to the start. Who's got my key?!
Thought I'd first post up a recent deal on the CL Bikes: recumberant STATIONARY BIKE (yes, email is the preferred form on communication). What I wonder is whether the mini backhoe has multiple forward and/or backward gears. If anyone would like to enlighten me, may Satan sing your praises.
"this bike was used short term for therapy(6 months), heart rate monitor, several programs of difficulty speedometer"

If only I'd had a several programs of difficulty speedometer for last night's race. The evening's tasks started with a key swap clusterfuck, and ranged from assembling and lighting kerosene torches with a lit menthol dart in the mouth at Prospect Point to an incoherent and babbling sayer on the worst hill on Adanac. All parts of this race were done fully; all players played well.

The people who won were those who made it to that last (and, in scoring, only) checkpoint and worked their asses off getting there. Like Indiana Jones searching and discovering a goblet, the freshly-returned Midnight Simon picked up the elusive Phil Wood low flange hub and 17 tooth 3/32" cog, courtesy of Darren at Dream (a little more on that shortly, though). I'm sure that at least the hub will be put to good use on an upcoming project.

As I just hinted at, the scoring of this race was not in completion of all tasks, but in the completion of a single task. Though Brock didn't hit all the checkpoints, he went hard and even had his pedal go missing during the escapade. He ended up with first prize, a "custom" courier rat style IRO in crashed-up orange.

DFL deservedly went to Rob, who raced on a borrowed mountain bike as, after being screwed by the random key swap, he was given the task of carrying the four-foot upside down wooden cross. As Ranae and I pedaled up the Causeway, we came upon the martyr with an overshifted chain threatening to be jammed into the spokes with any pedal movement. Projektaru-B race team kicked in, and the chain was back on the cassette in 10 seconds flat. At Prospect Point, I remember him yelling "this is why I'm never buying a bike with shocks!" Score: A PAC Bag.

Now, back to Simon's cog score: Why Darren continues to push 3/32" fixed drivetrains is beyond me. With 1/8" drivetrain parts easily available in track lines and compatible with road front rings, would it not make sense to run the strongest chain possible when it's often your only source of deceleration? I'd like to see a better selection of 1/8" 130bcd chainrings, if only for the sweet noise they make.

On the topic of performance, though, my Marinoni performed flawlessly after hinting at withholding use the big ring on the way down to the start. Yes, the new bike is fast - faster than I appear to be able to ascertain just yet; Ranaynay kept up like a champ, even though, as Lyle stated and I responded:

as i knew you riding 5.0 would be Ranae riding 12.3
yeah, so I rode 5.0 and waited when I got far enough ahead
called lights clear for her

With that performance, she could totally be captain of the Asthma Olympics team. Girl pushed for about 35km before a flat ended the night as the group hoon unfortunately lost track of her, 1.6km from the Cobalt at Adanac and Clark.

Fuct Up and Fixed hammered us from start to end, and it was well executed on our end apart from a maligned attempt to hit the "foot of main Bridge at the lions" and a complete overlooking of dialing the reaper (should have called right when we got that manifest).

Of trick or treat, treat seemed to have resulted in some much appreciated chalice and gas mask treatments, while trick was mostly pushups and jiffy marker.

The post-race festivities included a roman candle fueled trackstand contest, only made better by the fact that normal roman candles appear to be made of unobtanium these days, leaving us with giant $4-5 hand-held rockets. Matt A. took it after a smoky dispute over the calling of "one foot" and subsequent showdown with Skylar. Bottle of Wisers to victor.

The ensuing show at the Cobalt had a very appropriate air to it, and was surprisingly mind-clearing. Might be why I listen to a lot of metal, hmmmm. Had yet to see Bison play live - definitely enjoyable.

The Four Horsemen didn't just put on a good show on race night; their wake does the same in the surrounding weeks. The race was cheap (about $10 total), and well worth the ass-kicking it delivered. So far, five pages of drama on fixedvan... kinda makes you wonder, What is Stephen Harper Reading?

Thanks to NikC for results recap, and Damon for photos of the start.


Nick said...

We would find ways to hoon on both the stationary recumbent and the mini-backhoe. Lyle would rewire the recumbent into some kind of bizarre sexual apparatus, and well, there'd be some sweet fucking jumps in my backyard.

In EVERYONE'S backyard.

ranae said...

i just put my head down, kept an eye out for obstacles, paced the breathing, and followed the blinking red light that was morgan off in the distance. if you're 5.0 is equal to my 12.3, i can't imagine you @ 10.0. sheesh.